I couldn't believe it: The cast of billionaires on ABC's "Shark Tank" all declined to invest in Instant Lifts, these nifty clear adhesives designed to lift sagging arms and thighs and smooth cellulite. Were they out of their collective mind? Didn't they realize how many millions of women would give anything to lift and smooth without going under the knife? And for a fraction of the cost! These money bags obviously didn't see dollar signs, but I saw taut, youthful arms just in time for all those capped T-shirts and summer blouses.
The owner and I used Skype and sat in front of our computers, each of us with a new Instant Arm Lift in hand. She looked so much thinner than she did on "Shark Tank." I wanted to congratulate her on losing weight but decided instead to focus on her instructions. I followed her lead and somehow managed to make the thing work. I thanked her profusely and returned to the bathroom mirror where I proceeded to ruin another two of the contraptions before giving up. A real arm lift done by a reputable surgeon would set me back somewhere between $6000 and $10,000. For a brief moment, I considered the possibility but came to my senses when I realized I could redo my bathroom instead of my arms.
I guess I should have known. I should have trusted the Sharks. They knew a bad product when they saw one when all I saw was an easy way to tighten my arms. So, now it's back to the weights.